I feel like abortions should bother me more
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Are we still banned from the library?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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