so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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