I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
