I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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