Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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