She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm like, not good at living.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
