By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
