fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
