I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
