I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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