I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
