I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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