just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
