you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
