a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
