dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
