I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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