Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
What did we do last night that was yellow?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
