My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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