I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
