Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
