yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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