i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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