so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
