Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
