I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
