My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
