Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
