Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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