Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
