I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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