What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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