My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
