I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
