he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
