I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
