Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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