i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
