I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He shit in the fireplace
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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