so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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