I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
