I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
