We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
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He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
