going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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