I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
