its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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