he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
