I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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