I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
