Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The feeling are messing with the penis
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
