Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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