If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
