I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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