I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
