If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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