Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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