Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
