lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
