i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
