someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
