I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
