so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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