Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
